My Psychological Issues

I've made an important discovery today in terms of my issues. My distrust of people and situations, my inability to believe that good things will last, my tendency to "psych myself out" whenever I'm winning at sports or am favored or expected to win at something. I've decided where all of those issues have come from.

The fault lies entirely with growing up as a Cleveland Browns fan - I blame them completely. To this day, I still watch them every chance I get. You might call me a glutton for punishment, I call it an addiction that I can't walk away from. I'd prefer to think of myself as a true fan, you know? Not a fair-weather fan who only endures the games when the team is winning. The only problem is, there hasn't been any fair weather in cleveland in a VERY long time. I've watched through the ups and down, through the Tim Couch era (shudder), and for those three long years when there was no football in Cleveland, I watched very little at all. Today I just got finished watching my Browns get pummeled (yet again) by the Denver Broncos (yet again.)

I remember very clearly when the Browns were good. It was 20 years ago, when Art Modell owned the team before he moved it to Baltimore and became the Ravens (who, by the way, actually HAVE won a superbowl.) I wanted to throw the football sidearm just like Bernie Kosar (I remember being very happy for him when he ended up in Dallas. He got to take one snap in a superbowl victory - finally getting a ring). I used to watch in awe at Michael Dean Perry got quick jumps off the line at the snap, threading the opponents offensive line before they could even get in their stance. Clay Matthews, Earnest Byner, Kevin Mack, and my favorite of all - Eric Metcalf. These were my heroes growing up near Cleveland. Every Sunday was a ritual of cheering for the browns.

Here is the problem - as good as they were, they never won the big game. They didn't even made it to the superbowl. They were always just a few seconds away from winning, never actually the winners. Historically, the Browns have a way of blowing leads, or making exciting, heart-pounding almost-comebacks that make you think they are going to win and then come up just short. I blame my inability to believe that good things will last on them.

But even though I am a victim of the Cleveland NFL Franchise, I've decided that there is something I ought to do about it. I'm going to sue. I'm going to sue Art Modell for making me think they were going to win. I'm going to sue Earnest Byner for fumbling the championship away in '87. I'm going to sue John Elway for making the last minute drive for Denver in '86. Those are two heart-breaking memories for any Browns fan. I'm going to sue CBS for unnecessary emotional pain for showing those heart-wrenching moments from the '86 and '87 champoinships in the closing minutes of today's game, forcing those of us cursed to cheer for the Browns to relive those emotional scars once again. I'm going to sue the entire city of Cleveland for not winning at SOMETHING. When the Indians are hot, when the Browns are hot, heck 20 years ago the Cavs got hot - but none of them were ever really hot enough to win the big games.

Now I live in Michigan. It's true, the Lions have just as bad of a record as the Browns (with probably less hope of improving anytime soon), but right now the Tigers are playing game 2 in the World Series. Since I've moved here, the Red Wings have won the Stanley Cup, and the Pistons have won the NBA Championships. If the Lions ever got a winning season, I might be able to consider Michigan the rehab for my Cleveland upbringing.

As it is, I suppose I will continue not to trust. People tell me that because of my suspicion and somewhat jaded-ness, that they would think I grew up in a broken home. Not true. I have a wonderful family, incredibly loving and supportive parents, and a great support network. My only issue is -- I grew up in Cleveland.